Dr. Orloff - Monday, July 27, 2009
Dear Community,
I wanted to share with you my intuitive take on suicide in this excerpt from "
Emotional Freedom." Feel free to share with friends or whoever can benefit.
In healing,
Judith
Suicide: A Perspective Beyond Time and Space
Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s new book “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Harmony Books, 2009)
The dark night of all dark nights is the hopelessness of wanting to die.
In this state, you can see no promised land beyond depression.
Over the years, several of my patients have attempted suicide. One did
die: a heavy metal rocker with a sapphire-blue Mohawk and a sensitive
soul. But super-stardom could never allay his depression or persistent
back pain for which none of the many specialists he consulted could
locate a medical cause. Legions of fans revered him, but he didn’t
revere himself. He felt happy and pain-free only on stage, immersed in
his music and adulation. When he killed himself, we hadn’t met for many
months, but I was deeply saddened. I’d been his safe place for two
years; we’d been very close. I did everything I could think of to help
him, but he was on a runaway course. Plus, he was surrounded by
shark-like managers who urged him to go on tour despite his precarious
condition. Intellectually, I realized all this, but still I lamented my
inability to save his life. I’ll always miss him. I’ll always recall
those days I’d visited him after a previous suicide attempt. He was on
a locked psychiatric ward along with others who were psychotic,
suicidal, and homicidal. To me, it’s a crime to put someone who’s
depressed in with that mix. I wish I could’ve sent him to a peaceful
retreat with sunlit porches and hammocks to dream on. But our mental
health system isn’t organized like that. All those needing intensive
care go to the same hellish ward in traditional hospitals. So I saw him
there until he was no longer suicidal. Against my advice he went back
on the road too soon. I was greatly afraid for him. Then, four months
later, I got the call: he was found dead in his London hotel room after
slashing his wrists.
Most suicides are preventable with skilled interventions. I know
people--including those on a spiritual path--who at dark times have
considered taking their lives. (Suicide is the eleventh leading cause
of death among Americans.) If you’ve had these thoughts, they’re
nothing to be ashamed of. But I also know that suicide isn’t the
answer. Freedom comes when you persist in searching for the light until
it’s visible again.
In service to our growth, life asks an extraordinary amount of us. That
used to anger me. Some situations seemed unendurable. Watching my
ebullient, talented mother waste away from cancer, struggling to find
strength to be there for her without disintegrating, I’d inwardly
protest, “I can’t do it. I don’t have it in me.” But I did--and had to
see that. So must you. Try to keep reaching beyond pain towards a
greater power within. My spiritual teacher says, “Heaven is not a
dead-end road.” With hope and the proper support, you will find it.
For years I believed suicide was an option we had the right to choose
if things got rotten enough. I no longer feel this way except,
possibly, with terminal patients in constant physical agony. From
deepening my intuition, I came to realize that holding onto suicide as
an out separated me from the essence of living. A commitment to staying
in my body through it all was mandatory for being fully alive. Thus, to
be more present, I’ve vowed to follow the wisdom of whatever life
brings.
Weigh this critical point: Leaving your body doesn’t make emotional
challenges disappear. The soul’s work continues. What I intuitively
sense about its destinations is that who you are here is who you’ll be
there too, albeit without the physical form you’re accustomed to
identifying with. I don’t mean this punitively. I’m simply saying
you’ll eventually have to face your demons. Personally, I’d rather do
it now than drag out the ordeal. I prefer to go onto other things. For
those who believe in past lives, facing the self is unavoidable.
Whether now or in distant eons, you must do it. This is good. This is
purifying.
I’ve had an ex-boyfriend and some acquaintances commit suicide when
depression became unbearable. Two by overdosing, one with a gun. Though
I wasn’t in regular contact with these people at the time they took
their lives, I was notified by mutual friends the day each suicide
happened. While I was shaken by both these losses and the terrible
desperation that must have occasioned them, I was also curious about
where these people went and their subsequent state of being. So I tuned
in, simultaneously inquisitive and anticipatorily weary about the kinds
of pain I’d encounter. What did I find? None of them were in places I’d
ever want to be, and each felt utterly lost. Always there was severe
confusion, a swirling-through-limbo vertigo that made me nauseous.
Where they were at felt like the alarming, abrupt plummeting of an
airplane during turbulence--but cube that by the speed of light and
picture if it didn’t let up. Still, despite the dire straits they were
all clearly in, I also intuited a beneficent force surrounding them,
though it didn’t seem as if they recognized it. They felt totally
alone. When tuning into the lawyer who’d shot herself in the head, I
found her disorientation was so jolting I could barely stay with it.
This panicked woman had no idea where she was. Dizzying, disjointed
memories of her life were bombarding her at such speed, “overwhelmed”
didn’t begin to describe her condition. I suspect it took a while to
find her bearings and proceed to a calmer place. From what I could
intuit, the violence of her suicide made the transition even more
chaotic. Once I got the gist of her experience, I wanted out of that
vision so I didn’t risk absorbing such angst.
I share my perceptions with you to offer what I sensed about suicide.
As you can see, it may not be a way out of anything, as many depression
sufferers envision. Though the pain in question may be temporarily put
on the back burner, suicide seems to create another set of problems and
a tumultuous journey. Even so, I’m certain that the soul eventually
finds clarity and gets all the chances it needs to master emotional
obstacles.
My duty as physician and healer is to talk people out of suicide. I can
be effective because I absolutely know there’s hope for everyone and
that depression is a distortion. It swallows the light, making misery
seem like the only truth. But it is not. You must remember that. If
ever suicide starts looking good, stop, regroup, and fight to find
hope. Reach out for help. Don’t be seduced by the voice of depression.
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